Tuesday, May 25, 2010

...



I'm having a hard, sad time this week with Lucas concerning school... I've seen this before when he was adapting himself to new places in Rio and Minas, but since we moved in here, this is the first time. Yesterday he didn't want to go, feeling nauseated (he's really starting to get a cold, but I'm already giving him propolis and honey to prevent anything), and I thought it would be better for him to stay home. Today he woke up feeling better, but with a running nose and sneezing all the time. He wanted to go to school though, and there we went.

When we got there, he said he was feeling a weight inside of him, and wanted to cry but couldn't. I said it would be okay if he cried, always told himso, and then, blam! The floodgae was wide open. He cried a river, and I felt absolutely helpless, and my heart sank while holding him to my chest. I know there's nothing wrong at school, I keep a very close eye, and we talk openly about everything. As he couldn't explain his feelings, as he talked to his dad this Saturday after a long time (because Rodrigo think Lucas has to call him, and not the opposite, and when Lucas calls, he's not home...), I can only guess that the all the stuff he's been through experiencing my separation has finally dawned on him. I felt so sorry for my little witch, he was s fragile and anguished, wringing his hands... This was the first time I saw him this way. After some time, after slowly and deeply breathing in and out as I told him to, he said he could go to his classroom, and was himself again among his friends, just like that. His teacher told me she noticed that last week he was a bit different, more nervous and impatient, opposite to his nature. I cried all the way back home, I felt as if I wasn't doing my best for him, he should be happy all the time, not distressed this way... And now I got a migraine, but a migraine is simpler to solve.

The school's psychologist said this is commoner than imagined. Sometimes kids don't fully realize the changes they're going through until much later, and it's what happening to Lucas now.

I'll have a special time with him after school this afternoon, and I'll do my best to help him on this, he's such a loving, special boy. If only we could protect our babies from all the bad stuff in life... But then they wouldn't be stronger and grow up, I know. *sigh*

15 comentários:

Andréann said...

Oh, poor Lucas!
I can totally relate to what happens to him.
At 9, I thought I was strong enough not to care if my daddy called or not. I wasn't expecting anything from him from that point, so that I won't ever be disapointed again.
I don't know what happened and what is currently happening...But I know your little man will find the strenght to overcome this and be happy :)

Dragonstar said...

Poor Lucas. He's been through so much, and he's still just a little boy. I know he's strong, and very gifted, but sometimes we all need to cry like that. It probably washed away his tension, and left him feeling so much better.

Poor you. From my own experience I know that his release has left you in pain. We don't want the wind to blow too hard on our babies, and we feel guilty when they hurt.

You will both come through this stronger and happier, so don't be afraid to cry for yourself right now, as well as for him. Hugs for you both.

Suzie Ridler said...

I am brought to tears for dear sweet Lucas who is having such a hard time. I went through my parents' separation when I was 13 and it was one of the hardest things for me to endure. I can not imagine how much his little world has been shaken up. The cry probably did him good, he needed to let it out and make space for new happy memories. He is mourning the loss of his old life. I know you will make his new one beautiful and magickal Nydia. This is not your fault, OK?

Lilac Wolf (Angie or Angela) said...

I remember the heartbreak I felt when I was in 1st grade and my mom left her 2nd husband and left me with him. I felt so abandonded.

I'm not sure the situation with your ex is, but can you talk frank with him and tell him exactly what Lucas needs from him?

Other than that, be honest with Lucas and explain that parents aren't perfect and we all carry out own baggage. He has one loving, available parent at the very least.

Linda in New Mexico said...

I know you are suffering for and with Lucas and that you are doing your very best. And you did say you know that he needs to experience what he has to in order to be the man he will become. Keep you eye on that. We all are the product of our life experiences, he is a lucky little boy to have your love and light. You and he will take this and so many other lessons to come and make the best of all of it. You are both very special.
The Olde Bagg, Linda

amy said...

I am sorry he is having a hard time. :( And know that you are doing your very best for him Nydia. You had to separate from his father for both of you. It seems good that he is young enough still that he can react to his emotions in a healthy way and even share them with you I think. Blessings and good thoughts to you two. Take care. amy

Lisa said...

You are giving him such a gift by allowing him to express his emotions with you. That is what he'll remember and is what will affect his growth. You are doing the best thing you can do for him. He knows that he is loved and he will be ok. I know it doesn't make it any easier to watch his pain now. :( Much love to you both.

Mama Kelly said...

Oh honey ... big hugs to both you and Lucas. Please remind him of how many people in how many places think of him and care about him as you tuck him in tonight.

Blessings coming in your direction for him, for you, and for your niece Beatriz as well.

Hugs!!

Kelly

Holly, the Old Western Gal said...

Poor Nydia. Lucas will bounce back. Having a schedule is very good for him, and it is good for him to build a new life among his new friends and back with his family (your family). He will be okay. Don't blame yourself, can you imagine how confused he would be, how nervous, if you had stayed with Rodrigo who wasn't acting right at all???

Vixen said...

Poor little guy and poor Momma! I know that as a mommy it is so hard to see them suffering, it just breaks your heart. But kid's are resilient and I am sure he will bounce back. Especially with your love and patience.

Juliana Nunes said...

Querida, sei que nos "re"conhecemos agora mas se precisar de algo pode contar comigo. Vou enviar por depoimento, pelo seu orkut, o telefone daqui de casa. Se quiser conversar estou aqui. Um beijo carinhoso à vocês dois.

mrsb said...

This just broke my heart for both you and Lucas! He's such a sweet boy, and you are such a GOOD mom. It's unfortunate that your ex doesn't help make this easier on Lucas, but I know that you will more than make up for his absence!

Big huge hugs to you both!!

Powell River Books said...

When I was a principal I would get to help the kids who were having problems with school. One advantage we had for several years was a school cat. You can't imagine how often he was able to take kids attention away from their fears or sad moods. One of the teachers kept him in her classroom. But I would guess nowadays it wouldn't be allowed. - Margy

awarewriter said...

This portrait is a true work of charged emotional art. Well Done!!!

Rue said...

Thinking of you both. I know you are a wonderful mom and giving Lucas all the support you can. He will grow up to appreciate you in more ways than you can imagine.